Two things happened recently:
1. My drink got spiked at a party and caused me to end up in hospital 2. I took my open water diving course
Two very different events, one of them being the coolest thing I’ve done on this trip, the other being one of the worst moments of my life. On the surface there is no connection, but I learned so much from each challenge, the good and the bad and contrasting them side by side I’m learning something that might help me more and more in the future.
Now you might be thinking, isn’t one of your biggest fears the sea? What were you thinking jumping in deeper than you’ve ever been before? Well I’d had a few very scary, anxious filled days so I decided that I was done being defeated and controlled by fear that it was time to step up and face some fears and what better way to do than than diving right in (pun intended)! I was scared, and I was scared that I would panic (not a great idea 20m under water), but after the pool session on the first day I realised that diving might be the best way to stay calm.
Anyone who’s done scuba diving will know that it’s not about swimming but about controlling your breathing. It’s important to keep breathing calmly and normally throughout the whole dive. I found it similar to yoga, where you focus on inhale, exhale, and also to how when trying to calm anxiety it’s exactly the same. Breathe in, and breathe out. So when I entered the ocean, before I even had the chance to worry, I was already breathing calmly.
One of the worse effects of the drug that some horrible person decided to slip into my drink, is severe paranoia and anxiety. Worse than I’ve ever felt it and it continued to effect me and control me for a few days afterwards, alone in a hospital room in a strange country with a needle attached to my hand (another unfortunate and irrational fear of mine) not understanding what had happened or what would happen, and unable to keep myself calm, needless to say I didn’t really sleep. (Actually I wasn’t alone, shout out to my awesome friends who helped me out! You guys are amazing!)
Being able to breath through anxiety is an important practice, I say practice because it takes work and sometimes I’ve got it completely wrong. It’s something we focused on in the diver training because it’s very easy for you or your buddy to freak out but when you have a finite amount of oxygen and can’t just shoot up to the surface, it’s important to be able to keep calm.
But as well as the focused breathing, the more I considered it, the more I think can be taken from diver practice into coping with anxiety. For example the diver buddy checks you do before entering the water:
B – buoyancy R – regulators and releases A – air I – instruments D – diver okay?
I thought this could also be a good check if you feel like you’re panicking.
Buoyancy; are you sinking? Are you spiralling? When on the ocean floor this is considered negative buoyancy, add a couple of puffs of air to pick yourself up.
Regulators, what can you do to ground yourself. Releases; what do you need to hold on to and what should you let go of?
Air; inhale, exhale. Slowly, steadily, continuously.
Instruments, in diving this means your fins, your mask, your compass and your computer; what do you have around you to feel safe in your current circumstances, or do you have the tools to face the oncoming challenge?
Diver okay; take it as a statement rather than a question, I’m okay, I can do this.
I feel so proud of myself for not giving into my fears and I proved that I am strong, I am brave and the next time I feel anxious, even if I completely forget my new coping check list, I will remember that I overcame my fear. And you know what, it’s possible that something that terrifies you can hold something that brings you so much fun and joy. Tomorrow I start my advanced diving course!
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